Failing at Friendships

I recently mentioned I went on a “Sanity Vacation”, this was to help heal my broken soul with so many things that have gone wrong in life, including loosing my brother.

My friend of many years, opened up her home to me, I was so thankful for the opportunity and excited to see her. It had been many years since we had last seen one another, last time we actually hung out not including FaceTime was when we were teenagers.

Now in our thirties, our lives have gone in totally different paths than we expected, but here we were, ready to hang out and I was excited to see the area.

Once again I failed at another friendship. Details left aside, we couldn’t see how either of us was wrong. So our friendship has ended.

I’ve had many friends over the years, some we just grew apart and some have ended abruptly. I’m the common factor here, so maybe I just don’t know how to be a “best friend”.

I’ve learned over the years what not to do and here is a simple list I’ve composed and use, going forward in any friendship.

  • Do not expect people to treat you like you would treat them
  • Some people don’t understand your marriage and they don’t have to
  • You can’t please everyone
  • Don’t share details about your marriage when things are bad
  • Don’t over share when things are amazing
  • Not everyone understands marriage with kids
  • Not everyone understands being a stay at home is challenging even though you know how tough it is to work raising a kid too
  • Not everyone understands your situation
  • You don’t always have to explain yourself
  • Just be yourself

I’m a needy person at heart but I will take control of a situation when needed. I will help any friend no matter what, maybe that’s my issue. I’m stubborn, thick headed and yet I always look on the good side of others.

I’ve learned to not open up to anyone because nobody really wants to know how you are. Adulting sucks. Making friends as an adult sucks. Staying friends with people from your past isn’t great for your soul.

So, my motto for this year is “let that shit go”.

<3, Kristi

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