From the heart

1 Year Ago

It seems like yesterday we were just joking around and making plans. Cars, beach trips, cousins being close and having BBQs as a family every weekend.

You left us way too soon brother. You left behind your sunshine, he misses you so much. We all do. Mom and dads hearts ache for you. Visiting their house is sad, because you aren’t there to piss me off at midnight.

I hate that we had a dispute before you died. I don’t know why we were both hard headed. I know life was low. Things were bad for you physically, mentally and financially but you had so much positive around you just didn’t see it. We never see it.

You are missed. My girls miss you but I gave Mackenzie your middle name. She will either love that or hate it later on in life “Mackenzie Marc”. We talk openly about you and Samantha still has a hard time with it all. We try to joke that you are here, visiting us sometimes when things are weird or when Charlotte says ” Hi jay”.

Mom and dad miss you, it’s horrible to see how much mom has withered away because of your death. She isn’t well. Dad stays busy and has hard a time dealing with your passing. The stress of raising your son, has been crazy on mom and dad and dealing with his mother. He isn’t taking it well, grieving a lot and just not wanting to move with her. It’s really unfortunate. I wish there was something I could do to help. It’s sure a mess, I know you are watching it unfold, just keep him safe.

When you passed away, you got your wish. Everyone came together to give their blessings at your memorial service I put together for mom and dad. I don’t know how I handled it all 8 months pregnant and kept my wits, but I did. I had too. Everyone was so eager to talk about you and love for you, I just haven’t heard from anyone since. You were my favorite big brother, we didn’t always see eye to eye but you always had my back when I needed you.

It’s not the same without you. It never will be. I’ve had a couple of dreams of you, I wish you a healthy body on the other side, so you can do the things you loved. I love you brother. Always. Thank you for being my girls guardian angel.

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