From the heart

This is difficult to say

I’m laying in my old bedroom tonight, I won’t say childhood bedroom because this wasn’t my room until I was 16, but nevertheless, my old room. It also became my room after I moved back in at 25, to get back on my feet.

It’s so hard to know this is probably the last time I will see my parents this calendar year, but I’m incredibly hopeful to see them soon. I love my parents so much, they have kept me grounded in all of life’s chaos. They are always there to talk to, when I need someone to help me or just to chat. They are amazing, strong people.

Is it cliche to say “see you soon”? Knowing it could be close to 6-12 months before we do? This is really hard for me to think about and I try to be very optimistic about it. I only see them about 3 times a year now, so moving that to 1-2 times a year is going to be really difficult. I wish they could live next to us, all the time.

What about “I Miss you already!” ? It’s true, I miss my parents a lot. Especially during little events with the kids, birthdays, holidays. It’s never the same without your family near.

I’ve always had a close relationship with my mom, of her four kids, I’m the youngest and I never put her through the hell the others did. Sure I had usual teenage antics, I was obsessed with boys and hated school, hated chores and rules too but I still did the chores, followed the rules 95% of the time and went to school. But my mom has always been there for me and I have been there for her. As adults we’ve had our spats, don’t get me wrong she annoys me at times too. But I still love her and appreciate her.

My stepdad is amazing and I love spending time with him, as do my girls. He is the kindest person you will ever meet, unless you drive like an idiot.

To be laying in my old room, my three girls asleep in the house (2 in here), it’s bittersweet.

This home, has always been the home we call home. While this home has seen a lot of love, sadness, laughter and everything in between, its comfort. It’s not fancy, my parents haven’t upgraded anything unless it’s absolutely necessary (air conditioner thank gawd) and they could use some fresh paint and carpet, it’s still home. My parents have worked hard to create their life, it has never been easy, but it’s been home with them.

I already miss them living across the state, I know I’ll miss them and just want my mom in the next few months, because who doesn’t want that comfort feeling. I’m sad to be leaving, emotional and excited but I’m also hopeful they will finally take a dream vacation out of here and come visit longer than a weekend.

My parents give me hope, they’ve been through hell in this lifetime and I only I am as strong as them someday.

So while I don’t know what to say, I’m tearful thinking about our goodbyes in a couple days, I’m trying to be strong.

❤️, K

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