From the heart

1 Month in

Alright, 1 month in to working full time, lets do a recap of the last 30 days. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for more than one reason. 😶

Day 1, I felt proud to be back to work for full time. I was excited and full of happiness and independence. I wanted to be back in the work field so badly, I took any job that wanted me. I was strong (little misty eyed) when I dropped my two littles off at daycare and I texted my oldest to have a beautiful day once I got to work.

Day 5, I couldn’t wait for that week to be over. Holy f’n sh!t what did I get myself into? Why is this job so stressful?! It is challenging, I love a challenge but this challenge is a NEVER ENDING BATTLE with stuff that nobody has time to catch up and I don’t even know what I am supposed to be doing!?

Day 10, Oh thank gawd this is an early day. I’ve been left all alone since Monday, I feel so damn lost. WHY did I accept this position? What was I thinking? I’m not cut out for this job. I miss my kids. I’m so glad we are leaving early today, I feel like sh!t.

Day 15, I called in because my kids were home sick still. 🤧 We all were. Probably because my kids go to daycare and regardless of how clean it is, kids are disgusting and touch everything and anyone around them. 🤮 So they caught germs and brought it home. Lucky us. It was a long Thanksgiving break, everyone was sick and miserable.

Day 21, Everyone in my house is on the mend I think. I worked my part time job over the weekend and was feeling like this was going to be a great week. Hopefully learn some things, feel better about this job and my health and know my kids are happy at daycare. I miss them like crazy though. Plus this commute is a bitch.

Day 23, I woke up at 2 am with the chills. This continued off and on all day at work, I figured I would be fine and it would pass. As the day pressed on I felt worse and hit urgent care on my way home. Found out my sinus infection never cleared up, round 2 of antibiotics begin and I called out of work for day 24 & 25.

Day 30 is here. I’ve felt absolutely insane these past 30 days. From feeling on top the first couple days, to being absolutely overwhelmed with the mess of this new job, what clusterfuck I was walking into and what new adventures of having two little ones in day care and a teenager who still needs her momma. To say I feel good about going back to work is a lie and to say the idea of staying home with my kids full time is a lie.

I feel so torn. I don’t know what to do. I know I felt better working part time.

Is this job what I expected? I honestly don’t know what I expected.

Is being away from my kids so long easy? No, I miss them and know they won’t be little forever. I love seeing them excel though in a new environment.

Do I love this job? No, I don’t. I feel so overwhelmed with it.

I’m trying to ride out my emotions and pray they settle down. I don’t know what is best right now.

Guess we will wait and see.

❤️, K

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